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Hepp-B Valentine’s Day: What to do on Valentine’s Day when you have hepatitis B.

Happy Valentine’s Day!! Today is dedicated to celebrating love. Though it can be exciting, anxiety can creep up on this day too. Maybe you’re thinking about confessing your feelings to your crush? Or nervous about planning the best date ever? Maybe you’re timid about the holiday in general because of your hepatitis B status?

If you have chronic hep B, you may think that starting a relationship and initiating sex can be stressful and feel overwhelming. Questions like “What if we break up because I disclosed my status?” or “Can I even start a relationship with someone if I have a chronic disease like hepatitis B?” may be swimming in your mind. Doubt and anxiety may overwhelm your thoughts, but don’t forget that you’re more than your illness. You should not focus on things you cannot change. You are worthy of love and can live out that romantic story you always wanted because you have wonderful things to offer to a future love interest.

If you’re spending time with someone on Valentine’s this year or any day, it’s important that you remember to take precautions if your date leads to an intimate night. If you are living with hep B, properly wearing a latex condom keeps you safe from becoming co-infected with another infectious disease. No one wants a co-infection. It is complicated and potentially dangerous for you and your partner’s health. If your partner does not have hep B, then avoid infection by wearing a condom. Hep B is vaccine preventable, but hepatitis C, HIV and other sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are not. Considering the health and safety of yourself and your sexual partners is paramount. You may not know what they have, and they may not know what you have.

Also, it is important to disclose your status before sex (even if it’s safe sex with a condom). You may jeopardize your partner’s trust (and their health) before the relationship deepens. Disclosing your chronic hep B status can be scary, but talking about it reduces the stigma surrounding the infection and may even prompt your partner to get tested or vaccinated if needed. If your partner is not understanding after you have explained your HBV infection, then you know that person was not meant for you, and not deserving of your love. There are other potential partners out there that will be understanding and loving. Do not let rejection discourage you!

Disclosure should be done calmly and carefully. It is important to do some research before you do disclose your hepatitis B status. Having a thorough understanding of hepatitis B can make it easier for you to explain it to a future partner. The more you know, the less scary and more comfortable it is to dispel fear, so that you can share your status with confidence and integrity.

Whether you think of today as Valentine’s or Single Awareness Day, remember that hep B is only a small part of who you are and should not be a reason for you to give up on loving someone. Remember that you are more than your chronic hep B! It’s only a part of you and does not define your entire life. You have so much to offer to your current or future partner!

Read our previous posts about dating and hepatitis B, advice for navigating the dating world for those with hepatitis B, disclosing your status on Valentine’s, loving safely on this holiday, and tips for disclosure (or a #justB video).

Valentine’s Day Advice for Those Looking for Love While Living with Hepatitis B

Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
Image courtesy of photostock at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

By Christine Kukka

Valentine’s Day celebrates love and romance, but when you have hepatitis B, you may fear dating could lead to rejection and heartbreak.

Alright, so you had a few unhappy dating experiences because of hepatitis B … believe me, you’re better off without those people. If hepatitis B hadn’t ended the relationship, it would have been some other issue.

Here are two pieces of valuable advice for those looking for love while living with hepatitis B.

A leader of the Hepatitis B Information and Support email list recently offered this sage counsel to members who feared they would never date, marry or have children because of their hepatitis B.

“As the list mom and a divorced woman who has been dating for the last eight years, I have personal experience with this topic. I have to remind you, having chronic hepatitis B does NOT have to create a barrier to dating. If anything, it can help you determine who is a good partner and will possibly be there for you in the long-term.

Image courtesy of Graphics Mouse at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
Image courtesy of Graphics Mouse at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

“Also, and this is the biggie, there is a VACCINE for hepatitis B. If you meet someone you want to have an intimate relationship with, they can be vaccinated (some already are!)

“There is no reason to feel as if you are inferior or less deserving of love because of your hepatitis B.  We all want and need acceptance. The only barrier is what you have built in your mind.

“Personally, I have been in three long-term relationships since my divorce.  I am currently in a loving relationship with a man who cares about me deeply and has no issues with my hepatitis B.

“A word of wisdom from a friend has stuck with me. If someone loves you, they will care about YOUR heath, and make room for ways to keep you in their life.

“Don’t wall yourself off from the experiences of meeting new people and potential love and partnership with another soul.  Life is too short to be afraid of getting hurt.  You ‘will’ get hurt, and you WILL get back up to live another day and love again. The risk of rejection is worth the reward.

Disclose, before it’s too late.

When you disclose your hepatitis B status before sex – even if it’s safe sex with a condom – we don’t jeopardize our partner’s health or their trust in us. Talking about hepatitis B helps reduce the stigma surrounding this infection and may even prompt the person to get vaccinated.

So how do we tell a potential partner that we have hepatitis B? Calmly and carefully. Here is one way to initiate disclosure: “Before we become intimate, we need to talk about STIs and contraception. The reason I’m bringing this up is that I have hepatitis B. You need to know that, and we need to decide how to protect ourselves… ”

Do some research. Having a thorough understanding about hepatitis B can make it easier for you to explain it to a potential partner. The more you know, the less you fear, and the more comfortable you will be in dispelling their fears and conveying a sense of truth and integrity.

Image courtesy of radnatt at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.
Image courtesy of radnatt at FreeDigitalPhotos.net.

Here are some tips from the American Sexual Health Association for disclosing a sexually-transmitted infection.

  1.  Pick a time when both of you will be in reasonably good moods and relaxed for this conversation. Choose a place with few, if any, distractions.
  2.  Start out on a positive note (“I’m really happy with our relationship…”). This will put them in a positive mindset, and they may respond more agreeably than if you start out saying something like, “I have some really, really bad news… “
  3.  Your delivery can influence their reaction to what you say. If you talk calmly about hepatitis B, they may respond similarly. If you act like it’s the end of the world, they might agree that it is.
  4.  Allow a conversation to take place, rather than doing all of the talking yourself.

Disclosure is the right and ethical thing to do. How they respond is out of your control, but their response might just surprise you.

Love Safely This Valentine’s Day

Please be sure to love safely this Valentine’s Day.  Are you living with HBV or hoping to avoid living with HBV? HBV is a vaccine preventable disease that is effectively transmitted sexually. If you are not infected with HBV, why not get vaccinated and protect yourself for life? The HBV vaccine is a safe and effective, 3 shot series. If you think you might be in a high risk group for HBV, talk to your doctor about first being screened for HBV before being vaccinated.

If you already have HBV, the vaccine won’t protect you. You need to talk to your doctor about your HBV status and whether or not you would benefit from treatment at this time (Not everyone needs treatment, but you need blood work interpreted by an HBV knowledgeable doctor to be sure).

Show the love by protecting yourself and your sexual partners by wearing a condom. They protect the mouth, vagina or rectum from infected semen if used consistently and correctly.  Keep in mind that the riskiest sexual activity is unprotected receptive anal intercourse. This is because the lining of the rectum is very thin and more likely to bleed leading to the possibility of infection with blood borne pathogens like HBV, HCV and HIV, along with other sexually transmitted diseases. Receptive vaginal intercourse is the next highest risk. Although the lining of the vagina is stronger than the rectum, inflammation, infection, or microscopic scrapes make the vagina vulnerable to unprotected intercourse. The likelihood of blood borne pathogen transmission with oral sex is least risky, but that is because the risk of blood contact is much lower. However, any kind of intimate sharing of bodily fluids presents some degree of risk of transmitting blood borne pathogens like HBV, HCV and HIV, and may effectively transmit other sexually transmitted diseases.

It’s important if you’re living with HBV, not living with HBV, or not quite sure of your infectious disease status. If you are living with HBV, properly wearing a condom keeps you safe from becoming co-infected with another infectious disease. No one wants a co-infection.  It complicated and dangerous for your health.  If you do not have HBV, then avoid getting an infection by you or your partner wearing a condom. HBV is vaccine preventable, but HCV, HIV and other STDs are not vaccine preventable. Considering the health and safety of yourself and your sexual partners is paramount. You may not know what they have, and they may not know what you have. Why take the risk? Love safely, get vaccinated against HBV, and wear a condom consistently and correctly. “Share affection, not infection”.